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about

This album is the map of one woman's journey through the experience of grieving.
This album cycles through the many different emotions that grieving entails.
This album pulls at its hair.
This album believes itself to be lost once-and-for-all.
This album regrets so much.
This album begs for things to be back the way they were.
This album has such a hole in its heart that a bright light starts coming out of it.
The light becomes so powerful that it sets off all the fireworks in the fireworks factory and we all start cheering and laughing and cheering and laughing.

credits

released November 24, 2019

Recorded in March 2019 in Renee-Louise Carafice's bedroom in Las Vegas, NV.
All songs on this album were written, composed, performed and engineered by Renee-Louise Carafice.
Mixed by Ben King.
Mastered by John Baldwin.

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about

Renee-Louise Carafice Las Vegas, Nevada

Experimental pop songstress Renee-Louise Carafice kicks out songs like her life depends on it... and at some points in history her life literally has depended on it.
Radio New Zealand states that she is "terrific in both senses of the word: excellent, and a bit terrifying as well".
Renee-Louise lives in Las Vegas, Nevada where she raises birds and writes music in her bedroom.
... more

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Track Name: Circle Back
It is spectacular and very sad in that place
I go back to it
Again and again
I return to it whenever I am lost
To find you
There you wait for me

Into the wildest harsh terrain
Time is just an illusion
Get that right in your brain

People never go forwards
They're circling round to that place

It is spectacular and very sad in that place
I will go back to you again and again.
Track Name: You Are a Little Ghost
Those who knew you alive
Were absolutely silent
As the electricity shut off
To your blessing

And he wakes up as though it were a dream
And he thinks he can hold you in the dream
And he stumbles into the living room
Where he falls hard onto his knees
Onto his knees

I know that you will come again
For it's like you to come again
I know you are a little ghost

And I broke my fucking legs
And I couldn't afford my meds
And your brother was taken away
Who you loved so much.
Track Name: Apache
Cry like you did as a wolf cub
When you left your mother's side
Couldn't stop shaking on the car ride

Taught you to be so gentle
Soft with all creatures smaller than you
Totem god of smaller things

Darling I need you to know, kid
You didn't do anything wrong, kid
I would beat a man half to death if I could
I would beat a man half to death if I could

Leap at his throat like a wild beast
Tear out his throat like a wild beast
Tear off his limbs and come running home
Across America
Across the desert
To me.
Track Name: Rocket
We smashed bottles like warning signs
In a parade to the water's edge
Where you will go away from me
And we will see how I'll go on without you

We set off bottle rockets at the water's edge
A salute our money would allow
For we were poor
And you were poor with us
And I will go scratch out your grave
With an 'R' for your name

No one is in on this parade
Except for me and a dog on a chain
Who couldn't give a shit about you
So much love
Sparklers in the rain

Aoooooooo
Aoooooooo
So much love
Sparklers in the rain

Go to sea without my blessing
You sleeping, useless turd of a being
I will wait where the tide goes out
Cursing your name where the tide goes out
Silent parade where the tide goes out
Cursing your name where the tide goes out

It's not true
I loved you
It's not true
I really loved you.
Track Name: May the Ground Refuse You
Your body flipped backwards like a billy goat
Your body flipped backwards like a billy goat

May the ground refuse you
My precious girl
May the ground crash up
And spew you out again
Just as you refused
(All hours of the night)
Me forcing faith in you.

Your body flipped backwards like a billy goat
I, your mother, punched the wall
Seeing you fall

Felt your shoulder bones wrapped in hankerchiefs
Sacred outline
Still entirely you
May the ground refuse you
My precious girl
Wipe my memory out

Your mommy is just a wreck without you
Your mommy is just a wreck without you.
Track Name: Me and You in Four Parts
It's the part where I am sitting with you
Taking in you one last time

Now it cuts to this:
I am made ashamed
To see what I saw
When I saw you

And I say
When I am all alone
It's just between me and you
It's just me and you little one

Then I fell back in time
I am sitting with you
Taking in you one last time

And I understand
There is nothing separated
I hold you in a blanket
And you're mine.
Track Name: A Boy Sparrow
Highest incarnation with the lowest incarnation
What do I do with my hands?
You were such a goner like your little resting brother
(May he go in grace)

Highest incarnation with the lowest incarnation
So much touch in between
I was such a beggar for your little heart to hammer
Fighting time like for breath

You became a piece of utter everything in nature
What do I do with my hands?
I cannot accept that you were stopped halfway in mid-air
I am appalled by bright light

Highest incarnation with the lowest incarnation
You were such that I became a beggar for your body
You arrested your design and you went on without me

Highest incarnation with the lowest incarnation
You were such that I became a beggar for your body
You arrested your design and you went on without me.
Track Name: Wearing a Dream Machine
When they go over the findings
Of what you look like in my heart
The readings spike
The waves are off the chart

Everything’s in technicolor
But you are still white
And it’s always your name I call
When I come back to life

Then the wind blows up
And washes all meaning away
And I have time to say one word
And of course I say your name

Like it’s the seed of life
How I want things to be
You sit by loyally as I’m plugged to machines

Through this all you are silent
Which makes you divine
I am wearing a dream machine
And you’re eternally mine.
Track Name: A Point in Time
Black dog
White snow
Black dog
White snow

There is an image at the crown of your head
And we all have to say what it is
The problem is that no one knows what that image is
Especially you (my darling)
Especially you

There is a fragment so small in time
That it is the inside of a tear
And everything before it was a lie
And everything after it was just fear

Black dog
White snow
Black dog
White snow

Can you see it?
Darling, it’s me and you
Can you taste it?
The day you first saw snow
Can you feel it?
Can you hear it?
Can you touch it?
Track Name: Psychonaut (You at the Center)
Glorious explosions
With you at the center
Don’t be afraid
All my hope is in you

Glorious explosions
With you at the center
Don’t be afraid
All my hope is in you

When the sky opens up
And your skull opens up
And your arms open up
And the sea opens up
And the galaxy collapses into glorious explosions
With you at the center
Don’t be afraid
All my hope is in you

Hallelujah!
Hallelujah!

Glorious explosions
With you at the center
Don’t be afraid
All my hope is in you

Glorious explosions
With you at the center
Don’t be afraid
All my hope is in you

When the sky opens up
And your skull opens up
And the galaxy collapses into glorious explosions
With you at the center.