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1.
Circle Back 02:45
It is spectacular and very sad in that place I go back to it Again and again I return to it whenever I am lost To find you There you wait for me Into the wildest harsh terrain Time is just an illusion Get that right in your brain People never go forwards They're circling round to that place It is spectacular and very sad in that place I will go back to you again and again.
2.
Those who knew you alive Were absolutely silent As the electricity shut off To your blessing And he wakes up as though it were a dream And he thinks he can hold you in the dream And he stumbles into the living room Where he falls hard onto his knees Onto his knees I know that you will come again For it's like you to come again I know you are a little ghost And I broke my fucking legs And I couldn't afford my meds And your brother was taken away Who you loved so much.
3.
Apache 03:29
Cry like you did as a wolf cub When you left your mother's side Couldn't stop shaking on the car ride Taught you to be so gentle Soft with all creatures smaller than you Totem god of smaller things Darling I need you to know, kid You didn't do anything wrong, kid I would beat a man half to death if I could I would beat a man half to death if I could Leap at his throat like a wild beast Tear out his throat like a wild beast Tear off his limbs and come running home Across America Across the desert To me.
4.
Rocket 06:03
We smashed bottles like warning signs In a parade to the water's edge Where you will go away from me And we will see how I'll go on without you We set off bottle rockets at the water's edge A salute our money would allow For we were poor And you were poor with us And I will go scratch out your grave With an 'R' for your name No one is in on this parade Except for me and a dog on a chain Who couldn't give a shit about you So much love Sparklers in the rain Aoooooooo Aoooooooo So much love Sparklers in the rain Go to sea without my blessing You sleeping, useless turd of a being I will wait where the tide goes out Cursing your name where the tide goes out Silent parade where the tide goes out Cursing your name where the tide goes out It's not true I loved you It's not true I really loved you.
5.
Your body flipped backwards like a billy goat Your body flipped backwards like a billy goat May the ground refuse you My precious girl May the ground crash up And spew you out again Just as you refused (All hours of the night) Me forcing faith in you. Your body flipped backwards like a billy goat I, your mother, punched the wall Seeing you fall Felt your shoulder bones wrapped in hankerchiefs Sacred outline Still entirely you May the ground refuse you My precious girl Wipe my memory out Your mommy is just a wreck without you Your mommy is just a wreck without you.
6.
It's the part where I am sitting with you Taking in you one last time Now it cuts to this: I am made ashamed To see what I saw When I saw you And I say When I am all alone It's just between me and you It's just me and you little one Then I fell back in time I am sitting with you Taking in you one last time And I understand There is nothing separated I hold you in a blanket And you're mine.
7.
Highest incarnation with the lowest incarnation What do I do with my hands? You were such a goner like your little resting brother (May he go in grace) Highest incarnation with the lowest incarnation So much touch in between I was such a beggar for your little heart to hammer Fighting time like for breath You became a piece of utter everything in nature What do I do with my hands? I cannot accept that you were stopped halfway in mid-air I am appalled by bright light Highest incarnation with the lowest incarnation You were such that I became a beggar for your body You arrested your design and you went on without me Highest incarnation with the lowest incarnation You were such that I became a beggar for your body You arrested your design and you went on without me.
8.
When they go over the findings Of what you look like in my heart The readings spike The waves are off the chart Everything’s in technicolor But you are still white And it’s always your name I call When I come back to life Then the wind blows up And washes all meaning away And I have time to say one word And of course I say your name Like it’s the seed of life How I want things to be You sit by loyally as I’m plugged to machines Through this all you are silent Which makes you divine I am wearing a dream machine And you’re eternally mine.
9.
Black dog White snow Black dog White snow There is an image at the crown of your head And we all have to say what it is The problem is that no one knows what that image is Especially you (my darling) Especially you There is a fragment so small in time That it is the inside of a tear And everything before it was a lie And everything after it was just fear Black dog White snow Black dog White snow Can you see it? Darling, it’s me and you Can you taste it? The day you first saw snow Can you feel it? Can you hear it? Can you touch it?
10.
Glorious explosions With you at the center Don’t be afraid All my hope is in you Glorious explosions With you at the center Don’t be afraid All my hope is in you When the sky opens up And your skull opens up And your arms open up And the sea opens up And the galaxy collapses into glorious explosions With you at the center Don’t be afraid All my hope is in you Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Glorious explosions With you at the center Don’t be afraid All my hope is in you Glorious explosions With you at the center Don’t be afraid All my hope is in you When the sky opens up And your skull opens up And the galaxy collapses into glorious explosions With you at the center.

about

This album is the map of one woman's journey through the experience of grieving.
This album cycles through the many different emotions that grieving entails.
This album pulls at its hair.
This album believes itself to be lost once-and-for-all.
This album regrets so much.
This album begs for things to be back the way they were.
This album has such a hole in its heart that a bright light starts coming out of it.
The light becomes so powerful that it sets off all the fireworks in the fireworks factory and we all start cheering and laughing and cheering and laughing.

credits

released November 24, 2019

Recorded in March 2019 in Renee-Louise Carafice's bedroom in Las Vegas, NV.
All songs on this album were written, composed, performed and engineered by Renee-Louise Carafice.
Mixed by Ben King.
Mastered by John Baldwin.

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Renee-Louise Carafice Las Vegas, Nevada

Experimental pop songstress Renee-Louise Carafice kicks out songs like her life depends on it... and at some points in history her life literally has depended on it.
Radio New Zealand states that she is "terrific in both senses of the word: excellent, and a bit terrifying as well".
Renee-Louise lives in Las Vegas, Nevada where she raises birds and writes music in her bedroom.
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